Pharmaceuticals

Since I'd heretofore only ever had prescriptions to nasal spray and birth control, I wasn't sure what to expect from my new mood stabilizer. So far, though, nothing: my mood swings eternal. But at least I don't yet have the killer (seriously: it's apparently deadly) rash all the information warns me about!
On the upside, my recent mood swinging has granted me more compassion with regard to the antics of my middle and high school frenemy. Given the contrast between her more recent comportment and the way in which she behaved back then, I have been led to believe that she might be on lithium, which would mean that she was bipolar when she was doing all of those mean things. If that's the case, I'm no longer mad. It must have been so frightening to feel that way and not know what was going on.

WATCH FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS

if you do, it might stay on the air for the rest of the year. of course, it might also encourage the network to continue with the crappy storylines it currently enforces.

Two months in and

I already can't stand my job. It's both pointless and thankless, and a terrible fit on top of it all. Luckily, no one else I work with likes their job any more than I do. Unluckily, we have performance reviews coming up in which I am pretty sure my bad attitude will be a topic of conversation, and I am afraid I will not be able to stop myself from saying that I am so negative because I care about my job so little, aside from the medical benefits, that I actually resent going there because it takes away from time I could spend working out. Or eating. Or Sleeping. sadly, without the job I would not be able to afford to do two out of the last three things.

Antidepressants: the next and possibly final frontier.

London! Yay!

My friend just gave me the best news. Better than the news that he is getting married, this news makes me not just happy but grateful. He's getting married in a London bar. Flights to England cost $800, regardless of the time of year (I would like some answers for why taxes on international flights are 100% of the ticket price), so an English wedding normally costs an American visitor the price of the flight, a train ride to some country location, a hotel room for two nights, and the necessity of a friend to drive her around. A wedding in London means that an American visitor can stay with mutual friends in London, and everyone can take a cab to the venue, drink loads and not have to worry about driving home. I love my friend for making this decision and implore all of my friends, in London and otherwise, to make such decisions from now on. Don't get married in Vergennes, Vermont; Tarrytown, New York; or Saco, Maine (beautiful, moving weddings all). Get married in a bar in New York or a restaurant in Boston or a lounge in Washington, where everyone has at least one friend or relative to stay with for free and can take a cab or even a subway to the event and back. Please. As a wedding-poor, perennially single, carless urban dweller I BEG YOU.

To drug or not to drug

Until now I've avoided anti-depressants, because I thought I could just deal with my general dislike of human life, my own included. But it's becoming more and more obvious to me that I can't. I do all of the things I am supposed to - work out, drink lots of water, drink green tea, eat fish and flax, get sunshine, volunteer, do tai chi, lay off the alcohol and caffeine. The only things I do look forward to are my meals, and especially my desserts, and I am not giving up my last real vice. While I'm sure I would feel worse if I didn't take care of myself in these ways, I still find it hard to think about anything I like or look forward to. I choose to not see people or make new friends. I think that this is not normal in someone my age who has not had a recent traumatic event.

So. Drugs. They might take away what makes me me. But that's why psychotics don't take their meds, so I guess we'll see.

Love it or Leave It

God grant me the serenity to accept the fact that I am from Boston, courage to change the things that make me feel so awful when I think about it, and the wisdom to know the difference between realistic perspective and irrational hatred.